Sadness

Sometimes I get really depressed. Today is one of those days. I don't feel like talking to anyone. I prefer just to hide and disappear for a while. Everyday day isn't going to be a perfect day. Everyone has days like this. I just wish I didn't have a day like this as often. I enjoy being happy. I love to laugh and have a good time. Sometimes things just don't go my way and I don't understand it. Did I wake up this way? Did it start from last night? Who knows, and who cares! It shall pass. Hopefully soon. I keep telling myself that eventually something life changing or something special is going to come into my life and change things around. I think they just happen and you can't look for it to happen. Things happen for a reason and everything has its reasons.

So....when I am feeling down, I start listening to depressing music and read depressing stuff on the computer. Today I happened to stumble across how next Tuesday is the 30th Anniversary of the Jonestown Massacre. That is not a holiday to celebrate. It's not a good thing, its just another major tragedy. If you don't know the story, you should look it up. I will sum it up for you though...a Pastor for a church in Northern California moved his congregation to Jonestown, Guyana. They followed the pastor Jim Jones there to escape the realities of the United States; to start a new life with one big happy family on their own. Jim Jones was pretty much a brainwasher and got his church to believe that he pretty much was God on Earth. Most people would call him Dad or God. Some people eventually got fed up with his crap and decided to leave. When a few tried to board a jet to fly back to the States, they were shot down by guns.

Due to the people trying to escape the religious cult, Jim Jones knew it was time to end his show. He had a large amount of cyanide. He would mix the cyanide with kool aid and told all the members of the church to drink it, children first of course. He believed it was the only way out and that people were coming for them and this was the best way to go. Since everyone was brain washed, everyone drank the poisoned kool aid and died with in a few minutes, and it was a painful death. We are talking over 900 people who did this for religious reasons. Very sick. Especially that kids were involved. I listened to his last sermon (which lasted about 45 min) today. He was telling everyone to do this and you hear the little kids crying in the background. It was very sad and hard to hear.

After listening to the audio, seeing pictures, etc, etc, it makes me sad that had happened. It also makes me realize what a great life I really do have and that I have a bright future. I shouldn't worry about the little things that get me down and the people who are mean to me and what not.

Yes, it is morbid that I am interested in stuff like this, but it fascinates me. I am not a serial killer and I don't get pleasure off this stuff. I just like learning about why certain things happen. How did this maniac convince almost a 1000 people that he was God and that killing yourself is the only way out? How can anyone believe in that. Are people just vulnerable or stupid? Yeah. That is all.