Those are tough questions. Lately I have been trying to push the envelope of that topic to a lot of people. I try to convince people of some of the stupidest stuff you can think of. I want my delivery of these stories to make them believe that what I am saying is completely true, when in reality they are complete BS.
I have been telling people for years that I use to be a teenage hand model. People believe it. How can you not? I have beautiful hands. I tell naive people that I modeled watches, rings and designer bracelets as a teen. My work has been in fancy wancy mags and even on TV. Did you know that I was a huge part of the slap bracelet advertisements? Yeah, that was me. I slap that fucking thing on my wrist and you bought it. SUCKER!
No, that is my hand in that pic you see up above. My hands are better. They were and are sexier than those fat hands. My hands are magic. If I gave you a massage, you would call me a magician.
Oh...here is another one that works. I will start talking to people about my parents. Did you know that I was conceived at a Kiss concert? Yeah, my mom and dad got it on in the lawn in Chicago when Kiss toured in 81. They told me that they got turned on during the song Dr. Love, with Gene Simmons spewing blood out of his mouth. My parents also divorced because of Kiss. When Kiss stopped wearing makeup, my parents couldn't handle it and they went their separate ways.
(note...you can use this for any band that was popular around the time you were born. It works.)
Last week I convinced this girl, who takes out the trash in my building, that I was attacked by piranhas in Lake Bryan (this shit lake in the town I live in). She was amazed. Especially when I told her that 2 dolphins came to my rescue. The dolphins fought off those evil fish and I rode their fins back to shore. She did not question it for a second. She thought it was a great story. She might of even been turned on a little.
With this case, it is more of a stupidity thing. No way dolphins or exotic fish live in this lake. The girl is a moron and so are a lot of people.
Lastly, my newest project which I plan to take in effect later this week. The Vampire Stake! Yes, there are vampires and they are after me. Thank goodness I have this vampire stake to protect me. When I ram it through their heart, they won't bother me anymore. The stake, in the pic below is from a wooden pallet in our shipping department. I saw it outside by our shipping dock and I thought it looked like a vampire stake. I knew I could get people to believe that I believed in vampires and that we all need to take precaution.
I'm thinking about putting some fake blood on the stake after I get the story running through the building. Of course I killed a vampire. They will see the blood and think its real. Wow! I'm a hero.
Watch out Edward from Twilight. You may be smooth in those books of yours, but you aren't shit when you come into my office.
Love Always and Forever,
Brent
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